I've been avoiding writing a new entry for several days. Thirteen years ago an old sponsor recovered. Tomorrow that anniversary rolls around again.

My friend's server, where this neglected excuse of a domain currently resides, was down for several days last week. This was during Memorial Day weekend. I wanted so badly to be able to just let it all flow - all the loneliness, sorrow and pain - here in this damned blog, but was unable to. Instead, this was my only available outlet. Did it help calm these feelings of detachment and isolation? No, otherwise I wouldn't be writing this entry.

It's not just that I'm missing Tommy and the Beltway 12-step crew. It's not that I have next to no real-time interactions with other adults, recovering or "normal." It's not that tire and lube shops don't operate on Sundays so that I can justify attending the nearest UU service which is roughly a 100 mile round-trip. It's not that McDonald's hardly serves any foods without glutens even though that's the only family-friendly place to catch a quick bite while a second-rate auto shop fucks my family's budget to the tune of over $200.

It's not that the central A/C is borked and we've been forced to deal with praying for whatever cool breezes might grace an upholstered sweatbox which has no cross-ventilation. It's not that I can't run the dishwasher until some faulty kitchen wiring is fixed - and that my guys are seriously domestic housework-impaired.  There is an automatic dishwasher. Her name is Chris...

It's not that I can't do laundry at reasonable hours because the humidity exuded from the dryer is stifling. It's not that I can only bake during the wee hours also, because of the comfort issues. It's not because of the sinus and chest nastiness I'm fighting, thanks to pollens and dust wafting through constantly open windows. It's not that being four months pregnant prevents me from seeking OTC relief.

It's not that I'm frustrated with life on life's terms.

It is that I'm pissed off with the current terms of my life. I'm tired and hurting, both in body and spirit. I want to be left the fuck alone, but that's probably not such a good idea. God/dess, please help me.

If anyone knows the origins of this image, please give me a shout. I've been wanting for years to give its creator proper credit. FYI, this is as close to a general announcement that will appear. November. So far, so good. ;oD

Been somewhat active on Newsvine lately. There are several discussions being tracked upon which I have not commented. One topic in particular, strikes some very deep chords within me: racism. I just don't get the general mindset of bigots. Never have, despite polarizing personal experiences which would probably sway some folks to hate everyone. For those so inclined, please see my beginning video commentary @ Dr. Seuss' classic, The Sneetches...

Multiply-wise... I'm more than a little bent to find that some people are pushing for Multiply to join the Open ID clusterfuck. Pardon my language. I am vehemently opposed to this proposition- can ya tell?

Comments from the unwashed masses... On "Everyone" posts to MP, unless an individual is registered here I don't give a rip what they want to say. This is precisely why my general blog is on Multiply. This is also precisely why my personal blog is a WordPress stand-alone added to my domain.

If I wanted to subject myself to the unwashed masses out in the Big Room I would attend Burning Man. If I wanted to subject myself to every John/Jane Sixpack with internet access I would be a proponent for Open ID/Open Social.

If Multiply opts to incorporate Open ID into their services, I pray they'll have the presence of mind to enable registered members with the ability to block posts from those accessing MP reply functions via Open ID channels vs. directly through a registered Multiply account. Case in point: Blogger, which allows replies 1) anonymously (no!), 2) optional info fields (still "anonymous"- no!), or 3) through a registered Blogger or Open ID (ex. Google) account.

I think I'm safe in stating that there are plenty of us here on MP who got fed up long ago with being sold-out wholesale elsewhere for the convenience or profit of others. Give us a break, already.

Just checked the MUDS discussion again. If Multiply goes the OpenID route, I will have little use for this service. Who wants to start swapping .rss info for mutual tracking of those within our MP networks? Think I'm joking? Guess again, friends. Shutting the hell up now. Thanks for reading.

It still never ceases to amaze me how so many people don't learn from their misadventures. When these gaffes develop into a pattern with no tangible proactive measures implemented on the part of the hapless afflicted, these situations qualify under the new definition of insanity:

insanity - repeating the same dysfunctional behaviors over and over,
yet each time expecting a different positive result

Case in point, a PM recieved from an individual whom I've helped - and attempted to educate - on various internet related personal matters for longer than I probably should have...

"Hi Honey, long time no hear from. I hate to ask you but I desperately need your help. I will even give you my phone number so we don't have to type back and forth. This is kind of urgent because someone is putting mine and [a close relative's] name all over the internet and I need to know the legalities, ramifications and if there is anything we could do about it."

I'm not going to waste my time with lengthy explorations of this individual's systematic self-sabotage. All I will say is that I've developed a mercenary attitude where such pleas are concerned. Want my skills? Fucking pay me. Guess what? Damned few could afford my fees to investigate, let alone clean up what boils down to other's he said/she said bullshit.

One can't seriously expect to consistently invite or perpetuate havoc-rich interactions online without putting themselves and others at risk, now can they? It's time some people got a major reality check. I'll break out my trusty clue-by-four pro bono. Otherwise, take the drama elsewhere.

Rest In Peace, Samson

Sammy hadn't been seen since 7:20 this morning when my husband left the house for a First Responder class. Hubster made it home around 5:00 this evening just as the kids and I were feeding all the animals. Our cool li'l Samminator was a no-show.

Long story short. His body was found just before sunset in a treacherous location. I could not safely retrieve him alone, without basic gear, and in quickly growing dark. It tears me up that: a) Sam is no more, b) the cause of his death won't be reasonably determined until his body is recovered, and c) I had no choice but to leave him where he is overnight.

I pray that Sam's poor little body isn't ravaged by rats, coyotes, or God knows what else before he can be given a proper send-off in the morning. Shit- I keep swearing to myself that I'm not going to get all distraught over this. It's not working.

Please pardon the roughness of this entry. This isn't a pretty time. Last night was one of the scariest ever experienced by my family and countless others in the Southeastern United States. All I want to do right now is to cry and scream at the top of my fucking lungs. Powerlessness blows.

Below is a cut & paste of the email sent with the past hour to family and Big Room friends...

Please forgive the mass email. I'd wanted to call, but all long distance circuits have been nuts since last night's tornado fest. I can't even call long-distance in-state. Anyway, we're all okay. There was much nearby damage along the eastern border of Fulton County and into Sharp County, in the cities of Ash Flat and Highland. Pat was on-call last night (he's certified for basic firefighting and emergency response now). We listened to the tri- county 911 radio traffic as nature unleashed her fury. Orson Welles' "War of the Worlds" paled in comparison

Just got home from running errands in Salem, AR and Thayer, MO. The storms affected everyone we encountered in significant personal ways in addition to the overall regional shell-shock. Not much for words right now, sorry. Anyway, Pat, the boys, all the critters and I are safe and sound.

Highland is now under National Guard protection. My family has several friends in Highland, Cherokee Village, Ash Flat and Hardy. We have no idea how any of them are. The death toll for Arkansas currently stands at 13.

Please understand if I'm not as visibly active online for the next few days. Those who need to find me- and know where/how- are more than welcome to do so. Otherwise, I'm not inclined to be cordial with strangers until I've had time to process this tragedy. Thanks for your understanding. Namaste'

From Drowning Pool's 2001 release Sinner. Great for primal scream therapy.

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